Oh dating. No matter what age or status, it is always a hot topic and is always something that conjures up all sorts of feelings that border on irrational and nonsense. Romance. Love. Attraction. Universal. I therefore conclude that all humans are insane when it comes to relationships.
I have not had the best of experiences when it comes to men. Don’t get me wrong. They’re all pretty decent (one way or the other) but I think it’s the combination of him and me that just always turns into a train wreck. It takes two to tango, after all. But for some reason I seem to get the best of the worst. I read this in a meme once: “Dear Lord, where do you find them and why do you keep sending them to me?” You see, I never was into vanilla. I don’t like vanilla ice cream. I like my ice cream in a deep, dark chocolate with swirls of fudge and caramel, with just a hint of chili pepper. You get the point. I attract men who like fun and think fun is all I’m about.
And so, it becomes a vicious cycle, one that I haven’t learned to avoid. It doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 40, a broken heart still feels the same. But always remember, you may be broken, but never shattered. So kung poging-pogi ka sa sarili mo, get over it. Kasi, we get over you. Faster than you think.
I’ve gone out with one guy since I’ve become single again. It was short and fun, sweet at times, perplexing at most. Met some of his friends, went out a few times with just one that I could call a real date. He pulled the disappearing act twice on me, vanishing off into the wilderness without a trace. I wasn’t surprised when it happened, but I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed. I really quite liked him. He was one of those guys I could talk to for hours without wanting to kill myself. I have no idea why he disappeared – freaked out, lost interest, found someone else, got called back to his alien mothership – I don’t know. But this is something that men do that just makes me want to smack them all right across the face. Classic asshole move. WHATEVER. I don’t care what the answer is anymore. It won’t make a difference. It’s done. I did what any person would do in this digital day and age. I unfollowed all his accounts and unfriended him on FB. Welcome to the era of when the moment of finality is an eradication of social media connections.
Here’s a bit about what dating’s like when you’re 40, separated and with child: I am not looking for a boyfriend, I’m looking for someone I can watch movies with who’s not so bad-looking and flirts with me a little bit. I am looking for a guy who can understand this and not run off when things seem to be going swimmingly well. Because they will. I am exceedingly charming and and very funny. You will be fascinated with me. That does not mean we are falling in love. I don’t know why it has to be so complicated. I am not looking for a relationship, only someone to relate to.
Excuse me while I pause to roll my eyes.
Please guys, not all women in the world want a relationship that’s all candles, chocolates and cheesy music filtered in the background. Some of us actually want a real, honest non-relationship-relationship that does not involve you being caught in an imaginary choke-hold.
Marriage is no longer an option. I do not want to marry you. I’ve done that.
Children? I have one. Hopefully you have your own so you won’t expect me to procreate. Let’s not even go there.
Security? I can take care of myself thank you very much.
So relax. Easy.
You know what would be nice? If you boys would grow the fuck up, and be men.